so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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