So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
