he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
they're like a gay fantastic four
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
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My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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