My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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