I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
