I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
