I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
