Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
