i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
