So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
