If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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