Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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