Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
