Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
