I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
