well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
