Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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