So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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