But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
