I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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