does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
