I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
