So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
