i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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