Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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