If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
