ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Duck Duck Cougar?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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