it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
