i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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