Got a toothbrush?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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