Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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