if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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