brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
