I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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