one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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