Christians are straight up FREAKS
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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