it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
