so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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