I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
