went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
