It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
