We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
