I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
