highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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