So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
