Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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