I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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