I met the friendliest cop last night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
