Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
