There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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