Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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