he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
