My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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