that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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