"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
