My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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