I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
