Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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