oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
