I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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