It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
