I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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