He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
