I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize