So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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