Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
