His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
