Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
