So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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