I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
