Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I see more hoeing in ur future
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
