how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I could make wine with my vomit
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
