Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
