you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
