and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
